So today I would like to talk to you about being professional without being perfectionist. You say, one can’t go without the other? Well, I tell you, one doesn’t work with the other. You cannot be professional, if you are a perfectionist…I’ll explain:
The same old story, perfectionism, should be seen from two sides. There are those, who want to be super duper perfect, they are standing in their own way, they lose themselves in the detail and very soon don’t know anything anymore about the whole thing together. And then there are those, who just don’t care and deal with the things only on the surface and cannot concentrate on one thing. Both not a very good point for departure…
Well to the perfectionists: If I strive to perfectionism, I limit myself to a point. I learn and develop myself until the point, where I think now I am perfect. Or a diploma tells me, I would be perfect now, so I stop learning at that point, and I call myself even a professional in that area. And what happens after that? Well, in
the worst case, I stop here and just don’t develop anymore.
Or another type of perfectionist tells himself he has to do it right on the first try. He tries, does a simple and little mistake and totally penalizes himself, if he thinks he is not good enough.
And then those who just don’t care. Who just checks something out on a surface, after a short while is not in the mood anymore and goes to something new. Well, this guy is whether a perfectionist nor a professional. He just hangs out in his life on one and the other place without goals, without dreams and at the end of his life he just asks his self, what he did all those years along…not a nice outlook.
So let’s now talk about that guy, who just does it great on a middle way of all. This one would never see himself as perfect. He sacrifices himself to one thing, becomes professional and develops his skills all his life along. If you’d ask him, he’d say: „Perfectionist? Me? Oh god, no. There are way too many things still to learn, you never can become perfect. And anyway, a perfect person is in my eyes somebody, who wants to do it all right on the first try. I did this thing already a hell of thousand times and god knows, even the 1001. time I noticed a mistake. But that’s okay, you know what they say: It’s okay to fall down a hundred times, as long as you get up again 101 times…”
So as you can see, you should be professional without being perfectionist. This way you don’t stand in the way of your very own development…
With this little note I wish you a very professional but not at all perfect week…
Ildikó Varga
Monday, July 19, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
HAMBURG - Außenalster
This week I figured I start with these need pictures. They are all taking around the Außenalster.
I figured I show you a bit about my hometown, Hamburg. More specifically here you can see the Aussenalster. It is the big lake near by city center. If you walk all around the lake it is like 7.2 km distant walk, it`s about 4 to 5 miles.
All around you find beautiful nature, silence and great locations to enjoy a little picnic especially on hot days like we have now. Start walking on the east side, you have right away some great spots to do the picnic.
Picture 1: After a loong walk on the east-side towards the north, this big tree is really amazing, and you have some seating possibilities there.
Picture 2: This is on the west side. After having walked all the way around the lake these seats just waiting for you to give you the break you need...
Picture 3: The same place. You can see the other side, you just walked along. The nice hotel with the lake in front.
Picture 4: Look at that cute birdie, just taking a quick refreshing bath on that hot summer day ;o)
Picture 5: This is taken from the Kennedy-Bridge. It is between the Außen- and Innenalster. Here you have this wonderful view in direction of our city center with the beautiful City Hall...
By the way, if you decide to take that walk around, and you do it relaxed and want to enjoy it, you can count about 2 hours walk, time for break and rests not included.
Hope you enjoyed this quick little view on a piece of our town ;o)
Monday, July 5, 2010
The week of freedom
The other day I found the blogger calendar. It’s nice, it tells you all the important dates, and it gives you an idea about what you can blog. Well, as it has been created by Americans, it shows the American dates. So this week, beginning yesterday, is the week of freedom. I didn’t pay a lot of attention to it. I was thinking, well that’s nice, what is actually freedom. Well, then on Saturday I just got it, it’s 4th of July, the day of independence. So it is about what and why these things happened 234 years ago.
But, what does it actually means nowadays? The Americans like to celebrate this day with huge and beautiful fireworks and parties, and they are happy, because they are independent. In the classes of history it will be taught and explained, what those men and women have done in that times, and under what circumstances they had to fight for it.
But I ask you gently, for what? And I apologize, I don’t want this to be a negative article, just one, which shows a bit more awareness. What made people those days start this fight, what made them continue and then, no matter what, end it successfully?
And what happens to those thoughts today? With the children, who know by heart the 50/51 (official/inofficial) states and their capitals. Who know by heart their presidents. But who don`t know where Australia is, that in foreign countries there is electricity and Internet just as they have (believe me, all things I experienced with Americans by myself personally, and I don’t mean Americans, who live in Texas on a farm without TV...)
Who know exactly, what they want to buy and they just do it immediately, because there is this magician „credit“, who just makes it possible. And then they are damned to work the rest of their lives for 100hrs per week to be able to pay off their credit. And the things, they bought, can they enjoy it this way? I’m not pretty sure.
It is this mentality to want to have it right now, right here, no matter what. Is this still in the meaning of the independence their fathers and mothers fought 234 years ago for? Did they free themselves from the dependence of other powers, so that the people depend now from the mean magician „credit“?
And just to be aware: Here I talk about credits, you need for luxury, not those for life bringing or company building activities.
And Freedom, what did that mean those days, what does it mean nowadays? Is there freedom nowadays? Is it possible for people, no matter which origin or religion, to live just where they want and how they want (in the matter their lifestyle is no danger for other humans or creatures)?
And what about the freedom and independence of the Native Americans?
And then as well, Ponce de Leon, Christophe Columbus, what those discoverer wanted, people like to discuss it. Though there’s not much sense behind discussions as we never really will know it.
And as then on this famous 4th of July 1776 the independence has been declared, this ended the dependency of the English power, and in a sense as well of the European. So the little child „United States of America“ did its first steps alone, away from the protective and controlling hands of its father „England“. But what was in this little child’s head at that time? It just wanted to explore a bit its environment, I guess. Though if it imagined having this tough adult life nowadays, I am not pretty sure.
I wish for all Americans (and actually all nations in the world) to put away that falsifying glasses for a moment, and just see, what there is. And that they are aware, that no matter what comes along, no matter what people might say, everybody has his own destiny in his hand. There are more than enough examples, especially in America, which show you, how true this really is. Just take a look at their ways, at the strength and hope they got out of challenging obstacles in their ways.
Because this one thing is for sure, the American dream is still alive, in each and every single destiny, which strives it. With a little portion of individualism combined with the right amount of sense of community, in freedom and independency.
So with these words I wish you an awesome „week of freedom“.
But, what does it actually means nowadays? The Americans like to celebrate this day with huge and beautiful fireworks and parties, and they are happy, because they are independent. In the classes of history it will be taught and explained, what those men and women have done in that times, and under what circumstances they had to fight for it.
But I ask you gently, for what? And I apologize, I don’t want this to be a negative article, just one, which shows a bit more awareness. What made people those days start this fight, what made them continue and then, no matter what, end it successfully?
And what happens to those thoughts today? With the children, who know by heart the 50/51 (official/inofficial) states and their capitals. Who know by heart their presidents. But who don`t know where Australia is, that in foreign countries there is electricity and Internet just as they have (believe me, all things I experienced with Americans by myself personally, and I don’t mean Americans, who live in Texas on a farm without TV...)
Who know exactly, what they want to buy and they just do it immediately, because there is this magician „credit“, who just makes it possible. And then they are damned to work the rest of their lives for 100hrs per week to be able to pay off their credit. And the things, they bought, can they enjoy it this way? I’m not pretty sure.
It is this mentality to want to have it right now, right here, no matter what. Is this still in the meaning of the independence their fathers and mothers fought 234 years ago for? Did they free themselves from the dependence of other powers, so that the people depend now from the mean magician „credit“?
And just to be aware: Here I talk about credits, you need for luxury, not those for life bringing or company building activities.
And Freedom, what did that mean those days, what does it mean nowadays? Is there freedom nowadays? Is it possible for people, no matter which origin or religion, to live just where they want and how they want (in the matter their lifestyle is no danger for other humans or creatures)?
And what about the freedom and independence of the Native Americans?
And then as well, Ponce de Leon, Christophe Columbus, what those discoverer wanted, people like to discuss it. Though there’s not much sense behind discussions as we never really will know it.
And as then on this famous 4th of July 1776 the independence has been declared, this ended the dependency of the English power, and in a sense as well of the European. So the little child „United States of America“ did its first steps alone, away from the protective and controlling hands of its father „England“. But what was in this little child’s head at that time? It just wanted to explore a bit its environment, I guess. Though if it imagined having this tough adult life nowadays, I am not pretty sure.
I wish for all Americans (and actually all nations in the world) to put away that falsifying glasses for a moment, and just see, what there is. And that they are aware, that no matter what comes along, no matter what people might say, everybody has his own destiny in his hand. There are more than enough examples, especially in America, which show you, how true this really is. Just take a look at their ways, at the strength and hope they got out of challenging obstacles in their ways.
Because this one thing is for sure, the American dream is still alive, in each and every single destiny, which strives it. With a little portion of individualism combined with the right amount of sense of community, in freedom and independency.
So with these words I wish you an awesome „week of freedom“.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Bad habits
I just realize, bad organization, bad habit...sorry for that, let's just get through these "bad" things and we come along to the good ones...;o)
So today I would like to talk about those bad things in life: the bad habits.
You know the day you decide, you want to change your life. You read all that stuff about that new, better, healthier habit. And then you make a plan, you work it out and you start it. A few days it goes right, and then there is this one day, when you fail. You step back in your bad habit. It happened to me yesterday. And still, I noticed, I changed. As earlier on I used to give up my whole plan because of that one little failure. I used to say “Oh well, I knew it, I can’t do it, so to the hell with it”. Now I think differently, and I’d like to explain to you.
Now I had this one habit, to watch a lot of TV, and since a while I didn’t watch at all, my creativity is really thankful to it. But yesterday I was kind of curious about what’s going on. And it happened that there was this important election in Germany and one TV-Station would show it in direct. So I said, great, let’s check out. I didn’t stay the whole day in front of the TV, but the whole day I didn’t manage to do what I usually do (in my new habits). So everything was completely thrown around. It happened that I started to watch it at 9.30AM and the election was finished at 9h30PM (it’s a long story, political). And the whole day along they showed interviews and the background and so on.
But anyway, that’s not what this post is about. It is about the fact that this time I reacted differently. Now, today, I take this yesterday as what it is, as yesterday. Today is different and so what? Sometimes to go on you need to take two steps back, so that’s all what happened. Not my whole plan is wasted, not my energy is wasted. That’s what I used to think, but now I just go on. Today I get back to the point I was before yesterday and everything is fine. This creepy little voice, who likes to tell me, how stupid I am, and that this would be just another proof that I am not worth it, you know what? I told it to hold it, to shut up and take a break. And now I am fine. I know it sounds a bit crazy, maybe, but maybe sometimes we just need a little bit of craziness in life…
If you want to break a habit you used to have for years, it is just normal to fall back, but it’s important to get back up and go on…so that’s what I am doing now, I go on with my researches I did before yesterday…hopefully don’t fall back into the bad habit to let you wait with the next blog entry, so long and have a nice day…
Ildikó
So today I would like to talk about those bad things in life: the bad habits.
You know the day you decide, you want to change your life. You read all that stuff about that new, better, healthier habit. And then you make a plan, you work it out and you start it. A few days it goes right, and then there is this one day, when you fail. You step back in your bad habit. It happened to me yesterday. And still, I noticed, I changed. As earlier on I used to give up my whole plan because of that one little failure. I used to say “Oh well, I knew it, I can’t do it, so to the hell with it”. Now I think differently, and I’d like to explain to you.
Now I had this one habit, to watch a lot of TV, and since a while I didn’t watch at all, my creativity is really thankful to it. But yesterday I was kind of curious about what’s going on. And it happened that there was this important election in Germany and one TV-Station would show it in direct. So I said, great, let’s check out. I didn’t stay the whole day in front of the TV, but the whole day I didn’t manage to do what I usually do (in my new habits). So everything was completely thrown around. It happened that I started to watch it at 9.30AM and the election was finished at 9h30PM (it’s a long story, political). And the whole day along they showed interviews and the background and so on.
But anyway, that’s not what this post is about. It is about the fact that this time I reacted differently. Now, today, I take this yesterday as what it is, as yesterday. Today is different and so what? Sometimes to go on you need to take two steps back, so that’s all what happened. Not my whole plan is wasted, not my energy is wasted. That’s what I used to think, but now I just go on. Today I get back to the point I was before yesterday and everything is fine. This creepy little voice, who likes to tell me, how stupid I am, and that this would be just another proof that I am not worth it, you know what? I told it to hold it, to shut up and take a break. And now I am fine. I know it sounds a bit crazy, maybe, but maybe sometimes we just need a little bit of craziness in life…
If you want to break a habit you used to have for years, it is just normal to fall back, but it’s important to get back up and go on…so that’s what I am doing now, I go on with my researches I did before yesterday…hopefully don’t fall back into the bad habit to let you wait with the next blog entry, so long and have a nice day…
Ildikó
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Bad organization...;o)
Oh no, as I am organizing myself right now, have to pay attention to write more on my english blog as well.
First I thought, I’d make two to one. But not such a good idea…so I keep my german and english ones differently. These days I’ll come up with another blog entry on here, sorry for letting you wait such a long time.
Meanwhile if you are on Facebook, you can go as well on “Ildikó Varga The Write Production”. It’s my FB-Page and I’d be happy having luts of people following me ;)))
See ya there and the next days back on here,
Ildikó
First I thought, I’d make two to one. But not such a good idea…so I keep my german and english ones differently. These days I’ll come up with another blog entry on here, sorry for letting you wait such a long time.
Meanwhile if you are on Facebook, you can go as well on “Ildikó Varga The Write Production”. It’s my FB-Page and I’d be happy having luts of people following me ;)))
See ya there and the next days back on here,
Ildikó
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Kicking the ball on a baseball field
Now imagine this scene: You are standing at the sideline. You are watching your friends playing baseball. You see their motivation, the enthusiasm, the blink in their eyes, because these people love that game so much.
So you are thinking, you want that too. You want to do something with so much devotion, that you just forget everything around you. And there something strikes your mind: Professional kicker. You see it in front of your eyes, the time you were a child. And you and your dad you never missed a game on the TV and you watched your idols playing, that was so cool. There it is, the lost childhood dream: I want to play soccer.
Now with that childhood dream inside, off you go to the next specialized sports store. The sales clerk is very nice and he explains the most important things, and you just buy everything you really need. So with the complete uniform, from the tricot to the shoelaces, you start totally motivated. And stop…at this point exactly a lot of people do a fundamental mistake. Which one?
Well, very simple: As most of the people don’t really know anything about that new thing they are starting, and with all that motivation having their head in the clouds, don’t have the patience to get all the information they need, they just start running headless. They don’t know better, and go back to their friends on the baseball field. Do you start imagine, what comes now? So in your complete soccer uniform you come to the baseball field, as you want to show up in front of your friends.
First moment they are irritated, but then one thinks oh well, let’s give him a chance. And they throw the ball to you. You catch it and get irritated as well. Throwing the ball? Running around with the ball in my hands? I didn’t imagine it this way, it’s called soccer…well, maybe that’s normal in the beginning. Let’s give it a try.
But you want so much to run after the ball, you want to KICK it, you want to make hundreds of goals. That was the reason, you wanted to play soccer. And now you have to run around all the time, with the ball in your hand, and running away from the others. You run, you catch and throw, and run, and catch again until…you resign. You go away from the field, so frustrated. You didn’t imagine it to be this way. It doesn’t motivate you. And what are you doing now in the worst case? Right, you throw off your outfit, into the next corner and thinking by yourself: “Even for that I am too stupid.”
Oh, poor pitiable singular case. Oh, poor thing…STOOOOOPP!! Who is poor? Well, not you, it’s your spirit. Finally you got it, you got on the way to your destiny. And then it just went off to the wrong side. So please reward…until the point you finished at the store. So what is your next step?
Right, you have to get information about it. If the sales clerk can’t help, so go to the internet. Check out the regional newspapers, ask your friends and family. Until finally you find it, your soccer club. With the right coach. That one, who explains you the things important to you for the soccer, he will chase you all through the field, after the ball, he let you kicking the ball a hundred times, just until you get to kick the ball nicely into the goal. He screams, yells, he bosses you around. But you don’t care, you made it, finally. You’re there, you arrived. You are doing, what you always wanted to do. You play soccer…isn’t it beautiful, this life?
What I want to say with this? Well, if I am in a supermarket selling cheese, and someday decide, I want to sing, I shouldn’t ask the store manager for advice. And then wondering, why he is laughing at me. I have to get information, I have to search for a singing coach, and this one would train me. As long as I want to, as long as I make it. And then, smiling nicely coming back to that store as a big star and buying me the whole cheese…
So, think of it, what is your dream? Who can you turn to, seriously, who can help you with good advices?
So you are thinking, you want that too. You want to do something with so much devotion, that you just forget everything around you. And there something strikes your mind: Professional kicker. You see it in front of your eyes, the time you were a child. And you and your dad you never missed a game on the TV and you watched your idols playing, that was so cool. There it is, the lost childhood dream: I want to play soccer.
Now with that childhood dream inside, off you go to the next specialized sports store. The sales clerk is very nice and he explains the most important things, and you just buy everything you really need. So with the complete uniform, from the tricot to the shoelaces, you start totally motivated. And stop…at this point exactly a lot of people do a fundamental mistake. Which one?
Well, very simple: As most of the people don’t really know anything about that new thing they are starting, and with all that motivation having their head in the clouds, don’t have the patience to get all the information they need, they just start running headless. They don’t know better, and go back to their friends on the baseball field. Do you start imagine, what comes now? So in your complete soccer uniform you come to the baseball field, as you want to show up in front of your friends.
First moment they are irritated, but then one thinks oh well, let’s give him a chance. And they throw the ball to you. You catch it and get irritated as well. Throwing the ball? Running around with the ball in my hands? I didn’t imagine it this way, it’s called soccer…well, maybe that’s normal in the beginning. Let’s give it a try.
But you want so much to run after the ball, you want to KICK it, you want to make hundreds of goals. That was the reason, you wanted to play soccer. And now you have to run around all the time, with the ball in your hand, and running away from the others. You run, you catch and throw, and run, and catch again until…you resign. You go away from the field, so frustrated. You didn’t imagine it to be this way. It doesn’t motivate you. And what are you doing now in the worst case? Right, you throw off your outfit, into the next corner and thinking by yourself: “Even for that I am too stupid.”
Oh, poor pitiable singular case. Oh, poor thing…STOOOOOPP!! Who is poor? Well, not you, it’s your spirit. Finally you got it, you got on the way to your destiny. And then it just went off to the wrong side. So please reward…until the point you finished at the store. So what is your next step?
Right, you have to get information about it. If the sales clerk can’t help, so go to the internet. Check out the regional newspapers, ask your friends and family. Until finally you find it, your soccer club. With the right coach. That one, who explains you the things important to you for the soccer, he will chase you all through the field, after the ball, he let you kicking the ball a hundred times, just until you get to kick the ball nicely into the goal. He screams, yells, he bosses you around. But you don’t care, you made it, finally. You’re there, you arrived. You are doing, what you always wanted to do. You play soccer…isn’t it beautiful, this life?
What I want to say with this? Well, if I am in a supermarket selling cheese, and someday decide, I want to sing, I shouldn’t ask the store manager for advice. And then wondering, why he is laughing at me. I have to get information, I have to search for a singing coach, and this one would train me. As long as I want to, as long as I make it. And then, smiling nicely coming back to that store as a big star and buying me the whole cheese…
So, think of it, what is your dream? Who can you turn to, seriously, who can help you with good advices?
Our world, virtual and real
Well, actually the second post should have been another one. Oh well, that is going to be post number three then. And it is possible, that I might appear as a thief of idea. If so, please forgive me, it wasn’t my intention and this is more self reflecting.
For some ongoing reasons I would like to write about something, which is deep inside of me, and right now, cooking on the surface. That much, that I actually cannot really concentrate on the real important things in my life, and hell yeah, there is enough stuff, I really should turn my focus to, but I am kind of blocked currently. So I hope, in sharing this with you, it just disappears from the inside and I am free again to get back to the real important things. This is becoming somewhat personal on the one or other part, what I wouldn’t want to. Not sure as well, if it’s a good idea, to share it here, but I guess, I got to take the risk now.
So currently I am in an extreme stage of reorientation. Well, lots of things, I thought they are good in my life, I start to think them over. They are probably not as good as I thought them to be. Everything is on a big trial right now, everything has to be checked from all sides. It’s kind of like when you build a little house of cards. And then, once you are finished with the small, personal details, you notice, it’s not what you imagined it to be. So you have to destroy it again and start the whole thing at zero. Completely.
And in moments like that you get in touch with yourself, way much more than you wish, because it’s especially with your pain and your failing. But, as comfortable as we human beings like it, our first reaction would not be:
“Wow, that pain. Where does it come from? Why is that there now? What part of my life could I heal? “
No, our reaction is: „Oh well, that hurts. No, I will not go there. And if I can’t go round it, I stay sitting here. It’s nice as well this way. Maybe I give it one more try tomorrow. But right now, no, I’m not in the mood today. “
A typical human reaction. We ignore and push it deep down inside of us, as much as we can. And at this point we do have the “fatale and dangerous” internet.
Don’t get me wrong. It is definitely nice, thanks to the internet we can share so many things with each other, we can laugh and cry together. The internet is the virtual connection of the whole wide world. But very easily we do mistake it. Because we do not want to go through the real pain, but we want to live what actually awaits us behind that pain.
Now imagine, you fall in a black hole, you get depressed, in a bad mood. And instead of telling you, how to get up again, somebody gives you some glasses, 3D-glasses. As you wear them, you start to create your life in your imagination. And it feels real, but it is virtual. You do get to know other people on that virtual basis. And you can color your world as you like to. The problem here is that you kind of get “real” reactions to your virtual acts. So you can define yourself the way you want, even as superman or wonder woman. There are people, just as you, they hide from their real life in that virtual one, some more badly, some less. But they are “applauding” you, they think you are cool. “Nice, how you are doing this, awesome, you are so successful… “
I mean, they don’t know you, so you can tell them whatever you like. And there is the one or other naïve one who believes, whatever you are telling. But as fast as they appeared, they can disappear. Suddenly nobody is clapping for you, as it never has been real, it was virtual. And one day you will have to lay down your 3D-Glasses. And guess what you will see. The black hole you are in in your real life. No more colors, no more glamour. Just your life, as it is. Simple, and in your eyes totally not shiny.
But I tell you what, those people living colorfully in their real life, they do exist. They are real, and if you ask them, they will tell you, how they went through their pain instead of ignoring it. They fell down a hundred thousand times. Just as anybody does, but they got up again. And the one hundred thousand and first time they got up, they could jump over to the other side, and live the actual real colors in the real world. And now they are here on the internet, they would like to share their stories with us, you and me, so that we can think over our lives as well. And instead of saying:
„Wow, that’s cool. I want that too. Where is my pain? What do I have to do so that mine will disappear?” we say:
”Oh yeah, I know. I was there as well…I know, what you mean…”
This thing in the internet feigns us that it is possible to make it in such a short time. That everything goes so fast. But everything grows in its time, slow. It did 500 years ago, it does now and it will remain that way in the next 500 years. Our imagination of “faster, higher, better” is just that, our imagination. The grass never started to grow faster just because we wanted it to do so.
The internet is full of people showing up with their “more hype than substance” life, instead of getting rid of the shadows, they are discovering. Well, I got caught up for a while in a kind of suction and I went down for a while. I didn’t do anything against it. This hurt, I am feeling now, it was always there. If it appears to be more painful now, it’s only because it had to make its way up to the surface.
As always, if you try to ignore something, it will do anything to get your attention again. And suddenly it appears to be a huge monster. But the second you focus your attention on it, it will become small and whining again. And then, ugh, so fast, we get through our pain and get to the other side and, wow, the life we imagined virtually, it got real somehow.
How often I fell already, I don’t know, I stopped counting. Probably I should restart counting. As with each new fall I will be happy to get closer and closer to my personal one hundred thousand and first time…
For some ongoing reasons I would like to write about something, which is deep inside of me, and right now, cooking on the surface. That much, that I actually cannot really concentrate on the real important things in my life, and hell yeah, there is enough stuff, I really should turn my focus to, but I am kind of blocked currently. So I hope, in sharing this with you, it just disappears from the inside and I am free again to get back to the real important things. This is becoming somewhat personal on the one or other part, what I wouldn’t want to. Not sure as well, if it’s a good idea, to share it here, but I guess, I got to take the risk now.
So currently I am in an extreme stage of reorientation. Well, lots of things, I thought they are good in my life, I start to think them over. They are probably not as good as I thought them to be. Everything is on a big trial right now, everything has to be checked from all sides. It’s kind of like when you build a little house of cards. And then, once you are finished with the small, personal details, you notice, it’s not what you imagined it to be. So you have to destroy it again and start the whole thing at zero. Completely.
And in moments like that you get in touch with yourself, way much more than you wish, because it’s especially with your pain and your failing. But, as comfortable as we human beings like it, our first reaction would not be:
“Wow, that pain. Where does it come from? Why is that there now? What part of my life could I heal? “
No, our reaction is: „Oh well, that hurts. No, I will not go there. And if I can’t go round it, I stay sitting here. It’s nice as well this way. Maybe I give it one more try tomorrow. But right now, no, I’m not in the mood today. “
A typical human reaction. We ignore and push it deep down inside of us, as much as we can. And at this point we do have the “fatale and dangerous” internet.
Don’t get me wrong. It is definitely nice, thanks to the internet we can share so many things with each other, we can laugh and cry together. The internet is the virtual connection of the whole wide world. But very easily we do mistake it. Because we do not want to go through the real pain, but we want to live what actually awaits us behind that pain.
Now imagine, you fall in a black hole, you get depressed, in a bad mood. And instead of telling you, how to get up again, somebody gives you some glasses, 3D-glasses. As you wear them, you start to create your life in your imagination. And it feels real, but it is virtual. You do get to know other people on that virtual basis. And you can color your world as you like to. The problem here is that you kind of get “real” reactions to your virtual acts. So you can define yourself the way you want, even as superman or wonder woman. There are people, just as you, they hide from their real life in that virtual one, some more badly, some less. But they are “applauding” you, they think you are cool. “Nice, how you are doing this, awesome, you are so successful… “
I mean, they don’t know you, so you can tell them whatever you like. And there is the one or other naïve one who believes, whatever you are telling. But as fast as they appeared, they can disappear. Suddenly nobody is clapping for you, as it never has been real, it was virtual. And one day you will have to lay down your 3D-Glasses. And guess what you will see. The black hole you are in in your real life. No more colors, no more glamour. Just your life, as it is. Simple, and in your eyes totally not shiny.
But I tell you what, those people living colorfully in their real life, they do exist. They are real, and if you ask them, they will tell you, how they went through their pain instead of ignoring it. They fell down a hundred thousand times. Just as anybody does, but they got up again. And the one hundred thousand and first time they got up, they could jump over to the other side, and live the actual real colors in the real world. And now they are here on the internet, they would like to share their stories with us, you and me, so that we can think over our lives as well. And instead of saying:
„Wow, that’s cool. I want that too. Where is my pain? What do I have to do so that mine will disappear?” we say:
”Oh yeah, I know. I was there as well…I know, what you mean…”
This thing in the internet feigns us that it is possible to make it in such a short time. That everything goes so fast. But everything grows in its time, slow. It did 500 years ago, it does now and it will remain that way in the next 500 years. Our imagination of “faster, higher, better” is just that, our imagination. The grass never started to grow faster just because we wanted it to do so.
The internet is full of people showing up with their “more hype than substance” life, instead of getting rid of the shadows, they are discovering. Well, I got caught up for a while in a kind of suction and I went down for a while. I didn’t do anything against it. This hurt, I am feeling now, it was always there. If it appears to be more painful now, it’s only because it had to make its way up to the surface.
As always, if you try to ignore something, it will do anything to get your attention again. And suddenly it appears to be a huge monster. But the second you focus your attention on it, it will become small and whining again. And then, ugh, so fast, we get through our pain and get to the other side and, wow, the life we imagined virtually, it got real somehow.
How often I fell already, I don’t know, I stopped counting. Probably I should restart counting. As with each new fall I will be happy to get closer and closer to my personal one hundred thousand and first time…
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